Entries
Marriage Part I
Apr. 1, 2008 Posted in Comments
Somewhere along the way I entered a place called the “Twilight Zone.” The problem is recognizing when you are in the zone. It is not obvious to me. Since I am over 30 I recognize that I am age challenged. Senior citizens are those denizens who think white hair, aches and pains, and 16 prescription drugs are normal.
The topic I want to talk about is marriage. First some bad news. The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage:
- 50% percent of first marriages,
- 67% of second marriages
- 74% of third marriages end in divorce,
according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.”
You have a 50% chance of making marriage work forget about remarrying!
Check the statistics out at http://www.divorcerate.org/
If you think that shacking up or cohabitation is the answer
From USA Today
Cohabiting couples have twice the breakup rate of married couples, the report's authors say. And in the USA, 40% bring kids into these often-shaky live-in relationships.
"It is important now to think beyond the divorce rate to other kinds of couple unions and look at how stable they are," says Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, a social historian and report co-author.
"It's a pretty short period of time for that change (cohabitation) to have occurred and to have taken hold in the way it has," she says.
In the USA, 8.1% of coupled households are made up of unmarried, heterosexual partners. Although many European countries have higher cohabitation rates, divorce rates in those countries are lower, and more children grow up with both biological parents, even though the parents may not be married, Popenoe says.
The USA has the lowest percentage among Western nations of children who grow up with both biological parents, 63%, the report says.
"The United States has the weakest families in the Western world because we have the highest divorce rate and the highest rate of solo parenting," Popenoe says.
It appears the male and female can't get along together even for the sake of kids. Love does not fill your stomach or pay the bills even make you happy. In short marriage is not the “McDonald's Happy Meal!” My question is why get married in the first place? There should be a reason!
Why do you want each other, who pays the bills, children, what about sex, what do you do when you are married? What's in your marriage contract?
You don't need marriage or love in order to have sex. If lust not love is the basis of the relationship then remember the newness will wear off and you will seek a new partner. Couples have a choice of two ceremonies. A civil or religious marriage ceremony. For a civil affair get the captain of the vessel or justice of the peace or some kind of judges to do the ceremony. It should be that easy to get divorced but it isn't. Spouses are allowed only one living partner but numerous deceased partners. I am not suggesting murder. If this floats your love boat have at it! If you have a religious bent see the following.
God did not say you had to swear before him that this is your wife and only death was the acceptable divorce. This ceremony typically occurs in a religious location such as a church where a holy man perform the ceremony of marriage. "I do" seals the deal!
Maybe she was not pregnant or, you thought she had money she would share, or business merger two companies for profit, cupid's arrow struck you, or it seemed the right thing to do at the time. Is not an excuse for divorce if it does not pan out or happen or was a lie. Well you have her and she has a hold on you that will not stop until death do you part.
You got have a serious reason to get in God's face and promise him that there will be no divorce for this man or woman other than natural death. If you don't forgo marrying in church with its biblical contract.
A marriage can be made in heaven and you will still live in hell. Or marriage can be pleasurable. The only knowledge of marriage is a previous marriage or what their parents did in marriage. Be sure to ask and to observe.
Expectations may kill a marriage if they can not be fulfilled. If your bride has the idea that you earn a trillion dollars a month. While you barely make minimum wage at Burger King. Perhaps you need to nip that expectation in the bud! Suicide is not considered a natural death. And marriage under this circumstance could seem like hell on earth.
Yes, there might be a couple for whom marriage was ideal but after marrying it was discovered that the ideal situation would not be for them to be married. One may separate but not divorce. Instead of one home there would be two. The husband supports the wife who honors her duties as the man must honor his. The will be no second wife or husband until the first one dies. This is a situation of where you can't live with her but sure can live without her.
The culture seldom provides an accurate view of married life. It is not the Hollywood ideal of the June bride and tropical honeymoon where they find an emerald mine and enjoy life happily ever after.
Men and women are not the same. They even think differently. Priorities are different depending upon your sex. Women will not be quiet. They want to talk. If not talk examine in detail what if situations involving you. Never say in 10 words what could be said in one word or not at all! You must learn the proper care and feeding of the female. Or you will be forced to learn the art of defense against a female. Females enjoy drama and mood swings. Life is better for her if something is your fault. After all she didn't do it so it must be your fault. You go to work so fix the world! Nothing you do is ever complete if she doesn't approve it.
Sex before marriage is one thing. Sex during marriage is another. The goal is sex after marriage. Figures will change and blood flow or urges will lessen did you marry for the right reasons? Do you still love the fact she is in your bed 40 years later? How she moves and smiles? Are you aware of her when she is nearby? Do you see something new in her after all these years? Can she speak volumes with just a glance?
Next!
What do you need to know about your spouse before you marry them or commit a boo boo?